Every woman wants a love story

More than anything else, when it comes to a relationship, a woman wants to be cherished. She wants a man to enter her life and make her feel special, unique, valued, treasured, better than she thought she was, more desirable than she knew she could be. She wants to feel worth his time, energy, and affection. Men think we’re such complicated creatures, but it really boils down to that. And in return, we’ll place a man firmly on a pedestal and give him the one thing that he wants more than anything. Respect. He will have a loving, loyal woman on his hands who will do her best to earn the feeling he gives her.

 Ok, admittedly, it’s not that simple. There are a million ways that things can go wrong between a man and a woman, causing the utopian union described above to never come to pass. But it does happen. I’ve seen it. I’m thinking of one man in particular who remained single for the better part of his college days and early 20’s. He worked at getting himself ready for the day that the right woman would come into his life, and he didn’t waste his time with anyone else. When he was 27 he met her, and he made up his mind after their first dinner that he would do whatever it took to make that woman his wife. Today he is married to her and they have a toddler who looks just like the man. I’m talking about my big brother, Dan.

Dan seems to always find the right path, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to fall head over heals in love with a woman. Some men lose themselves in her. They give up what they stand for because they’re afraid she might not like them for who they are. They sacrifice the things they love that make them unique. They try to enter her world in every capacity and in doing so, give up their own world. But that’s not what a woman wants. Rather, she wants him to stand confidently in his own shoes and never apologize for who he is. She wants him to reach out to her and say “It’s you I choose. I want you to come into my life and let me love you like no one else can. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make your dreams come true.”

Does that sound too far-fetched in this day and age? Maybe. But it’s what women want.

I think one of the biggest reasons that love stories don’t come to pass is because people don’t spend enough time reflecting on themselves and what they truly want out of life. They float from one relationship to the next, not really knowing what they’re looking for. They do recognize when what they’ve found isn’t right, and they can usually point a finger at what’s lacking. But a failed relationship might have been avoided entirely with a little more self-awareness.

Once in a while, however, the moon and stars align. The man knows what he’s looking for, the woman knows what she’s looking for, and one day, she walks into his life. He sees her… and has to make her his. Suddenly an old fashioned version of the man emerges. He calls her rather than texting. He plans dates and spends time thinking about how to make an evening special for her. He finds himself being more chivalrous than he’s ever been and worrying about her safety. He wishes he were with her all the time, just so he could see that she’s taken care of.

But it’s not just any woman who can elicit those types of feelings from a man. Not only does she have to be the right fit for him, but she also has to be feminine enough to draw out his masculinity. A man can’t be a knight in shining armor for a damsel who’s never in distress. A fiercely independent woman who needs nothing from a man will never draw out those feelings. He will never see her as precious and breakable if she fights against being seen that way. But if a woman can let herself be the finer sex… if she is soft and sweet, thoughtful, gentle, accepting…  and in need of a man sometimes, he can rise up to be the man for her.

I have seen men who know they will be that for someone someday, but they know they’re not ready to find it yet. It takes someone very wise to walk away from a woman he loves when he knows that the time is not right to bring her into his life. Maybe he is too young to settle down with one woman for the rest of his life. Maybe he isn’t comfortable with where he is in his career. Maybe he has the itch to travel, and he knows he can’t bring a woman with him or string her along while he sees the world. It’s a bittersweet feeling for a woman when a man tells her that he can’t be with her now, but that he will be back for her when the time is right. Years later, when he re-emerges with a newfound passion for pursuit of her, a career to stand on, experiences to draw from, and a lasting love for her, a woman can’t help but be swept off her feet. Again.

In my fairytale image of this perfect man in a perfect world, he says something like this:

“I wasn’t ready when I met you, but I’m ready now. I’ve had successes and I’ve had failures, but I’ve forged a career for myself that provides the stability I needed. I’ve seen more of the world and have experienced much that life has to offer. I know what I want in my life. And in the years we’ve spent apart, no one was able to capture my heart. It was yours then, and it’s still yours now. So if, by chance, you’re still available, I want to make a life with you.”

And her response (in a perfect world) would be…

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to say that. I fell for you when we met all those years ago, and I put you on a pedestal that I couldn’t get you down from. When you walked away, I assumed it was because you didn’t feel about me the way I felt about you. But you set the bar, so I haven’t been able to move on. I’ve tried… but no one compares to you. So the answer is yes! I am available and I want to make a life with you too.”

Every woman wants a love story.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Samuel
    Jul 03, 2011 @ 14:05:48

    I fully agree. The point I would make to the concept of “every woman wants a love story” would be for the man to write this well.

    Give her things to remember. Give her high moments sometimes. Give her a story! Not just sitting around, staring at screens, drinking beer…. you’ll notice there are few stories about that sort of (non)activity. I mean a REAL story! An adventure. Things she can recount to others as something engaging, or recount just to herself. When you choose a woman, write that story well.

    Give her a story to tell, and not just one. Let your life together be a series of stories, long and short, happy or dark… and whenever possible… be the Hero of those stories. A woman who has these things will not be discontent. A woman who gets no love story at all will ultimately be compelled to go find one…

    great piece, Pamela. I missed your stuff.

    Reply

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